The comparison trap
Comparison is something most of us do everyday. And with a sharp rise in social media usage, it becomes easy to compare our lives to others and even to people we don’t know personally. It’s easy to find our own flaws, especially since others tend to present the best version of themselves online. The issue with this is that our flaws sometimes become so apparent, we begin to question our own accomplishments and wonder whether we are falling behind in life.
Am I falling behind?
The simplest answer to the question is: absolutely not. There is no set precedent for the way your life moves forward. The point at which you make certain achievements is not predetermined, either. Additionally, each person’s own life experiences impact their ability to make certain decisions. Our circumstances are relevant to how we grow and evolve as individuals.
Your own experience is unique
Your life experience contributes greatly to who you are as a person. All the things you have already done and accomplished impact your ability to move forward and make decisions. So, too, do the experiences you’ve had, such as trauma, losses, or successes . In the context of your own life experience, you have most likely done the best you have been able to with the cards you have been dealt. You are probably working towards goals specific to your own experience.
Everyone has their own life experience. If you feel like you’re falling behind in life, consider thinking about other people’s life experiences. Have those around you dealt with a trauma they had to process before making a big leap? Did they have other advantages that you may not have? Do they have a stronger support system?
We are set up for our futures in different ways
Our upbringing and the expectations others place on us also impact the rate at which we make decisions and move forward in our lives. For some, financial challenges inhibit the ability to move out or attend school. For others, there may have been family pressure to focus on academics no matter the cost. We all have different roots that challenge our ability to make progress on a specified timeline or scale.
In addition, your own values, established by your own experiences, may have pushed you to choose a different life path.That makes comparison more difficult and can lead to fear of missing out.
We aren’t behind – we missed opportunities
Internationally, the effect of the pandemic also had an impact on our ability to achieve the goals we set for ourselves. Job loss, financial challenges, not having the ability to travel or socialize normally, or even just coping with mental health challenges have slowed our progress by 2 to 3 years. We were not set up for something like this to happen. We did the best that we could under the circumstances.
The tough years of the pandemic taught us many lessons. However, it’s also important to grieve what they have taken away from us,. For many, the missing piece was opportunity. Consider where you would be in working towards your goals had the pandemic not occurred. Would you be closer to your achievements? Take into consideration that these circumstances were out of your control. Eventually, you will catch back up.
About Samantha Nolan, MA, LPC, ATR- Barnum Counseling
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