Today we are talking about why we shouldn’t live by our parents’ values. As a Millennial, I often talk with friends, colleagues, and even clients about the Millennial experience and how younger generations are impacted differently by the world around us. Our values are reflective of the lives we have led so far, They are vastly different from those of the generations before ours. Prioritizing our parents’ values can make us feel pressured, stressed, and feel like we’re living our lives wrong.
Our Own Values
Millennials and Generation Z have experienced cultural and societal trauma at young ages. This includes the global pandemic, the events of 9/11, and the recession in 2008, as well as current events. This trauma has skewed our values toward prioritizing happiness and enjoyment. Because our whole lives have been filled with traumatic experiences on a national and global scale, we tend to prioritize our own time for coping, healing, and self-care practices that make it a little bit easier to deal with the world around us.
Unlike older generations, we also value inclusion and diversity, freedom, self-expression, and accomplishing the goals we set out for ourselves. We are a little less inclined to follow societal norms. Instead, we prioritize ourselves and those around us as individuals, and are adaptable to changing environments around us, probably due to the changes in technology over time.
Our Parents’ Values
More than anything else, Generation X, Baby Boomers, and older generations tend to value hard work, stability, and security. Because the economy was more stable, hard work provided security, affordable housing, and success for most of their lives. They also value involvement with their community and volunteer efforts and hold strong family values. Their life experience is different from those of younger generations. That tends to give them a different framework and perspective on the lives they lead.
Unlike Millennials, however, older generations are more rigid in their ways. They tend to be less adaptable to change and less inclusive to those who live different lifestyles than the ones in their view of the world. Older generations can be more harsh, critical, and more inclined to stick to the strict values that they developed over the course of their lifetime.
Living with Incongruent Values
Have you ever felt pressured by your parents to do things the way they did? This could include going to college, buying a house as soon as possible, or having a family. These values may not be important to you. But the pressure we face from older generations can make us feel less than successful in our own pursuits.
When we live our lives based on another person or generation’s values instead of our own, we tend to feel pressured and stressed, lack confidence, and feel unhappy with our lives. Living in full confidence of our own values will help us feel more settled, happier, and more authentic.
Why we shouldn’t live with our parent’s values: Tips for embracing personal values
If you’re seeking to live more authentically through your own values, here are some tips to get grounded in doing so:
- Identify, establish, and understand your values. Reflecting on a list of values that are important to you will give you a good starting point to understand what you naturally prioritize and appreciate in life.
- Set goals related to your values. If you value traveling, you may make a decision to travel several times per year. If you value friendship, you may decide to make regular efforts to see friends as often as possible.
- Tune out from what someone else values when setting goals.
- Embrace your own feelings and prioritize what is most important to you.
About Samantha Nolan, MA, LPC, ATR- Barnum Counseling
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