Advocating for yourself is a crucial skill that can help others hear you and get your needs met. However, it’s important to advocate for yourself in healthy and appropriate ways that don’t damage your relationships or self-esteem. Here are some examples of healthy and appropriate ways to advocate for yourself.
Use “I” statements
When you’re advocating for yourself, it’s important to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs. Using “I” statements can help you do this effectively and helps the other person to not feel attacked. For example, instead of saying “You never listen to me,” say “I feel unheard when I try to share my perspective.” The words “always” and “never” should also be avoided as well as these words can cause hurt feelings and cause a defensive response.
Be clear and specific
When you’re advocating for yourself, it’s important to be clear and specific about what you need. For example, instead of saying “I need more help,” say “I need you to take on more of the household chores so I can focus on my work.”
Listen to others
Advocating for yourself doesn’t mean ignoring the needs and feelings of others. It’s important to listen to others and be willing to compromise. For example, if you’re advocating for a change in your schedule, be open to discussing different options that work for both you and the other person.
Use assertive communication
Assertive communication is a way of expressing your needs and boundaries in a direct and respectful way. It involves using a confident and firm tone, maintaining eye contact, and using nonverbal cues to convey your message. For example, instead of saying “I guess I could work late tonight,” say “I’m not able to work late tonight because I have other commitments.”
Practice self-care
Advocating for yourself can be stressful, especially if you’re dealing with difficult situations. It’s important to practice self-care and take care of yourself emotionally and physically. This could include exercising, getting enough sleep, talking to a therapist or trusted friend, or engaging in activities that bring you joy.
Seek support
Advocating for yourself can be difficult, and it’s important to have a support system in place. This could include friends, family, a therapist, or a support group. Seek out people who can provide you with emotional support and practical and unbiased advice.
Review
Advocating for yourself is an important skill that can help you get your needs met. However, it’s important to do so in healthy and appropriate ways that don’t damage your relationships or self-esteem. By using “I” statements, being clear and specific, listening to others, using assertive communication, practicing self-care, and seeking support, you can advocate for yourself effectively and confidently.
About Therapist Bethany Winter, MA, LPC Barnum Counseling
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