Revisiting the Love Languages

by | Apr 26, 2023 | Counseling, Relationships, Values

Love is a universal emotion that binds people together, but the way individuals express and receive love can vary significantly. What makes one person feel loved and appreciated may not have the same effect on another. That’s where the concept of love languages comes in. By understanding the five love languages, couples can learn to communicate more effectively and strengthen their relationship. 

Acts of Service

Individuals who value acts of service appreciate it when their partner does things for them that make their life easier. This could be as simple as cooking dinner, doing the laundry, or running errands. When their partner takes care of their needs, they feel loved and appreciated. However, if their partner fails to follow through on promises, or repeatedly forgets to do something they said they would, it can make them feel unimportant and unloved. Your actions speak louder than your words if your partners love language is acts of service.

Words of Affirmation

Individuals who value words of affirmation appreciate verbal compliments, expressions of love, and words of encouragement. They feel loved when their partner praises them, acknowledges their efforts, and expresses gratitude for their actions. For instance, saying “I love you,” “You look beautiful today,” or “Thank you for being there for me” can make them feel loved and appreciated. On the other hand, criticism, insults, and negative comments can hurt them deeply and make them feel unloved.

Giving/Receiving Gifts

Individuals who value receiving gifts feel loved when their partner gives them thoughtful presents that show they care. The gifts don’t have to be expensive, but they should be meaningful and show that the partner has put thought and effort into choosing something that the person will appreciate. For instance, making some creative or crafty, like crocheting a hat, could be a thoughtful and meaningful gift if this is something your significant other appreciates. However, if the gifts are impersonal or given only on special occasions, it can make the person feel unloved and taken for granted.

Physical Touch

Individuals who value physical touch appreciate any form of contact such as hugs, holding hands, or cuddling. They feel loved and connected when their partner shows them the type of physical affection they crave. However, if their partner is uncomfortable with physical touch, it can make the person feel unloved and unwanted.

Quality Time

Individuals who value quality time appreciate spending time with their partner without any distractions. This could be going on a date, taking a walk, or simply sitting together and talking. When their partner gives them undivided attention, they feel loved and connected. On the other hand, if their partner is always busy, distracted, or spends too much time on their phone, computer, or video game, it can make them feel unimportant and unloved.

What is your partner’s love language?

If you are currently in a relationship, think about whether or not you know what your love language is or what your partner’s love language is. While reading the above paragraphs, did any one of them stick out more than the others to you for what makes you happy? Once you know your love language and your partner knows theirs, sit down and have a conversation about what each other’s love languages are, what physical touch, quality time, acts of service etc make each other feel loved, appreciated, and happy. Conversations like these are so important to have at any point in your relationship. Simply meeting each other’s needs can make such a huge difference in your relationship.

About Therapist Bethany Winter, MA, LPC Barnum Counseling

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