If you have never heard of the five love languages and are in a relationship, this post is for you! Everyone has their own one or two love languages which meet and satisfy their needs. In a relationship, it is important to know what each other’s love languages are and how to meet those for each other. Below are the five love languages, what they look like, and what not to do if your partner has these love languages.
Words of Affirmation
One of the love languages is words of affirmation. Just like it sounds, this love language consists of speaking words of positivity and love. Words of affirmation are like compliments without your partner having to ask for them and words that show you appreciate your partner. Let’s use coffee as an example to show what this love language looks like. This love language, with coffee, would look like, “Your coffee is delicious.” This is complimenting, with your words, that your partner made delicious coffee. Things we want to avoid saying if this is our partner’s love language would be insults. “This coffee is not the best I’ve had.” These can leave your partner feeling shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
Another form of a love language is quality time. This type is simply being there with and for your partner, such as planning dates, spending time together at home outside of chores, and putting your phone down to provide them your full and undivided attention. Following the coffee example, quality time would look like, “Let’s go get coffee.” You are asking your partner to spend some quality time over delicious coffee! Things we want to avoid if this is our partner’s love language is being distracted, postponing dates, or not actively listening when you are with your partner.
Receiving Gifts
While this love language does involve gift giving, it is not always as easy as purchasing something for your significant other. This love language needs to have some thought put behind it. This could be a homemade gift, flowers, or something else that will show your partner they are cared for and appreciated. This love language, with the coffee example, would look like, “Here is your favorite coffee.” If this is our partner’s love language, we want to avoid missing a birthday, an anniversary, or giving a hasty and thoughtless gift because they asked for something.
Acts of service
This love language involves doing a little bit of work for your partner, even if it’s not something that is your favorite thing to do or your love language. Acts of service consists of easing the burden of responsibilities from your partner. This could be vacuuming the bedroom, moving laundry from the washer to the dryer, suggesting ideas for dinner without being asked too, and so on. The coffee example for this love language would be, “I made you some coffee.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for your partner are ways that are not meeting your partner’s love language.
Physical Touch
Someone who enjoys physical touch as their language enjoys a person’s touch and physical closeness. This can be holding hands, providing back rubs, hugs, and other kinds of thoughtful touches. “I’ll hold your hand while we drink coffee,” would be the coffee example for this love language. This love language would not be met for your partner if you were physically distant, neglectful, or abusive.
Review of Five Love Languages
The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. If you are unsure as to which love language is yours or your partners, it might be best to figure it out so you both can make sure you are appropriately meeting each other’s needs. Provided below is a link to a short quiz that will ask you which option you prefer of two choices. In the end, it will tell you the order of your love languages. Sit down and take a second to do this, and then share with your partner what you discovered and what you appreciate within your love language.
Love Languages Quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
About Therapist Bethany Winter, MA Barnum Counseling
Chapman, G. (2022). What are the 5 love languages? Discover Your Love Language – The 5
Love Languages®. Retrieved December 6, 2022, from https://5lovelanguages.com/learn