When we talk about grief as a society, most often people think of grief as the period of weeks or months after the loss of a loved one. While this is an important, and potentially the most difficult part of grieving, feelings of grief can last much longer, and often require a different approach to the healing process at each stage. In my own opinion, grief has 3 major components, detailed below.
Immediate processing
Immediate processing occurs in the weeks or months following a loss, and can consist of a variety of emotions from sadness, to anger, or even shock. The immediate feelings after the loss of a loved one are painful, no matter the circumstances, and it can be difficult in this stage to function as normal.
Healing in this stage looks like making peace with the loss, and engaging in acceptance that the individual is no longer with us. It is difficult, and emotions at this stage can be extremely raw. It can certainly impact daily functioning, and sadness is often a primary emotion. During this time, take it easy on yourself, as this is a major life change.
Moving on after loss
After healing occurs in the immediate processing stage, one enters into the stage of moving on after a loss. The timing of this stage looks different for everyone. It could come days or weeks after the loss, or it could take much longer. In this stage, one considers how they will move on from the loss, how their identity will develop after the loss, and how they will reintegrate themselves after a substantial loss.
Healing in this stage looks like forward movement, including success in identity development, social reconnection, and progress in life after the loss. Being stuck at this stage for several years could mean that you qualify for a diagnosis of Prolonged Grief Disorder, and you should be assessed by a professional in order to get the help you need.
Grief over time
As time goes on, most individuals begin to heal drastically, but that does not mean that they do not still grieve the person they lost. Emotions may feel more mellow here, but remembering, reminiscing on, and missing the bereaved are normal emotions that can follow us for a long time. We never truly heal fully from a great loss, but we can learn to make peace with great losses, and live meaningful lives on our own.
If you’re struggling to understand the grieving process, know that it looks different for everyone, and it is certainly not linear. If you need help processing a difficult loss, please reach out for support.
About Therapist Samantha Nolan, MA, LPC, ATR-P- Barnum Counseling
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