What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where an individual alters or denies a shared reality so that victims feel they their experiences or perceptions are wrong. This confusion often makes an individual feel like they are losing their mind. This behavior may appear in relationships with family members, friends, or at work. Unfortunately, gaslighting is frequently denied, excused or minimized in our relationships.
Examples
Gaslighting can take many forms. One way that this is seen is through making an individual’s feelings appear invalid. An example of this would be someone saying, “you’re too emotional” when you are upset about something. Gaslighting can also be used to take the blame off of the abuser; often times they will work to shift the blame to the victim. An example of this would be to say, “I didn’t do that” or “you made me do it”. These examples, along with many others, can cause victims to question themselves and their reality.
Effects
It’s important to note that gaslighting is actually a form of emotional abuse. The effects of gaslighting are emotionally, psychologically and (sometimes) physically harmful to the victim. People who continuously experience gaslighting in their relationship(s) often feel confused, frustrated, angry, and broken down. They may feel like their experience and feelings are invalid. In cases where severe gaslighting is occurring, individuals can also experience physiological (trauma) responses such as rapid heart rate, GI issues, fatigue and shakiness. Overtime, health and wellness can become compromised.
How to stop gaslighting
The best way to stop the gaslighting from occurring is to set firm boundaries with the abuser. By setting clear boundaries around behaviors that one is not willing to accept, the victim is teaching the abuser how they deserve to be treated. Keep in mind that in setting boundaries, some people may not like it and get angry, or may just ignore the boundaries. In situations such as these, it may end up being best to separate or reduce/stop contact with people who are not respecting the boundaries. Or, seek therapy for more ideas and support on how to stop the cycle.
Conclusion
Gaslighting can appear in many different situations. Overall, the impact that it has on a person can lead them to feel crazy or like they can’t trust their own mind. This emotional abuse can have long-term effects on how one views themselves. It is important to set good boundaries with the people in your life; surround yourself with people who are respectful of your boundaries and treat you as you deserve.
For more support with clarifying, coping with, and setting boundaries within relationships, contact us today!
Writer Emily Krouse is a licensed professional counselor with Barnum Counseling. Learn more about Emily and her therapeutic approaches here.
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