I have heard most of my life that “there’s always someone out there that has it worse than you” when going through a tough time. While people meant to be uplifting, most of the time it ended up making me feel worse. While this statement is overall positive, it actually promotes a toxic way of thinking, called toxic positivity.
What is toxic positivity and why is it dangerous?
Toxic positivity is a mindset that believes that everyone should be positive all the time. This can be something that we do to ourselves, or something that someone else says to us. An example of this is someone telling you how lucky you are for the good things in your life when you are having a bad day. Another example is you telling yourself to “just get over” what is bothering you. While constant positivity sounds like an ideal way of living, it is not realistic.
We all go through trauma or upsetting situations that make us feel emotions other than happiness and positivity. This is completely normal. By attempting to be positive all the time, we are denying ourselves the expression of the emotions that we feel. This rejects the idea that these emotions are real and that we are allowed to feel these emotions, good or bad. While it may feel good in the moment to ignore our feelings, this can actually be harmful to us. The repression of feelings can be closely related to depression. When we don’t allow ourselves to feel those feelings, they build up and end up being bigger than if we had dealt with them when we felt them.
When positivity becomes toxic
Positivity is a good thing. It allows us to see what is good on the horizon and find things that make us happy. Positivity is useful in many ways. It can be used to help with depression because it allows us to lift the depressive cloud to find the small joys that are present. It is okay for us to express that we want it to be a good day, but we also need to be able to express when it has been a bad day. However, when we expect ourselves to be happy all the time or feel guilty for feeling sad, we know that the positivity has gone too far.
How to stop toxic positivity
Allow yourself to feel the emotions that you feel. It will help you stop the toxic positivity in your life. You can do this by challenging the thoughts that you have that are toxic. Do you often say to yourself, “always look on the bright side?” Instead, tell yourself that it’s okay to feel bad sometimes. By acknowledging that the way you are feeling is valid, you are recognizing and accepting that you cannot always be happy.
Acceptance of emotions
Positivity can be beneficial, but when we are not allowed to express the emotions that we have, we can end up struggling more than the feeling that we have. When toxic positivity comes into our lives, it suppresses our feelings rather than accepting how we feel. While wanting to be positive all the time seems like a good idea, it is unfair to hold yourself to an impossible standard. Allow yourself to feel how you feel, and don’t let anyone tell you that it is wrong to feel that way.
Learn more about Emily Krouse, LPC, here.
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