Today we will explore internet infidelity and whether it is just as harmful as a physical affair. When I think of the Internet, I think of all the wonderful ways it has brought connection to us. Not only am I able to connect with family across the states, but I am also able to research or Google literally whatever I want. Luckily, I was able to witness the evolution with the Internet growing up in the 90’s and 2000’s! I don’t know about you, but I loved talking to friends on AOL chat! However, the Internet can cause some problems, especially in relationships.
Infidelity. Yep, I said it. The word most people cringe when they hear it. Often enough, I’ve been asked if Internet infidelity is even a ‘real’ thing in relationships. The answer is yes. Although there has been no physical contact between the two people, Internet infidelity is just as harmful and damaging to a relationship. Internet infidelity can be defined as connection with another person via email, phone, and pictures.
Below are insightful questions you may be asking yourself if you and your partner are going through something similar.
Why would someone turn towards that behavior?
The Internet allows people to feel in control of their self-presentation. Imagine going out to meet someone – don’t you automatically get nervous about your presence? Trust me, we are all beautiful in our own way. Just the thought of me going out to meet someone makes me terrified. But with the Internet, I can present myself anyway I want. I can CONTROL how I say something. When I say something. I can control my delivery, whereas being in person is a little different. Being behind a screen is a lot more appealing when you are nervous. It’s very similar to texting – you are in control of when and how you choose to respond. In-person reactions are quite different. If someone asks you a question in – person, it would appear odd if you looked away and took 10 minutes to think of the ‘right’ answer. Additionally, the Internet offers a way for people to escape their reality with fantasies
Is Internet infidelity as harmful as a physical affair?
Intimacy is one of the many components to a healthy relationship. Relationships may struggle with trust if the foundation lacks emotional intimacy. Although online infidelity may not be a physical affair, it involves emotional intimacy. Any form of infidelity can cause betrayal, emotional distress and loss of trust. What if it was only for a short period of time? Unfortunately, any form of emotional intimacy that builds a connection with someone is still an indiscretion. All in all, the break in trust creates an emotional distance in the relationship.
Can a relationship survive Internet infidelity?
Yes, a relationship can be repaired from an indiscretion. However, the recovery process requires both partners to be present during treatment. Part of the recovery process is not only processing the betrayal, but also establishing guidelines to rebuild trust and honesty. The partner who betrayed the relationship must be able to admit to their breaking of the emotional and intellectual relationship they had created. Some tips to reinforce trust include:
- Allowing each other access phones and computers
- Shared passwords
- Increase quality time
- Move the computer to a different area in the house
Internet infidelity is considered today’s ‘blind spot’ in marital issues. The biggest downfall of this topic is the lack of understanding that online cheating is damaging to a relationships foundation. Any form of infidelity is hurtful, but if you and your partner are experiencing Internet infidelity, contact Barnum Counseling at (630) 797-9192 or click here.
Written by: Coral Pidone, MA, LPC
Image by cocoandwifi from Pixabay