Today’s topic addresses relational distress during a global pandemic. I don’t know about you, but this pandemic has taught me a lot about my marriage and myself. Prior to this pandemic, I saw my husband here and there because of our hectic schedules, but luckily the shelter in place allowed each of us to work from home. Personally, working from home was not the easiest. I strive on structure and environment. Being expected to fulfill my obligations and personal responsibilities at the same place was a bummer. My husband? Wow, he has loved it.
Any uncontrollable circumstance is going to enhance a sense of worry or stress among people. When the global pandemic began, like most people I was more irritable and anxious over external world events, but also because I wanted a change in pace from being at home. Sound familiar to anyone? Many families were able to accept the shelter in place order where some families experienced more conflict. Indiana University School of Public Health and Indiana University of Medicine found that 34% of the couples surveyed reported an increase in relational conflict and a decrease in physical intimacy.
There were times where my husband and I got into arguments over literally nothing. Looking back at it now, I kind of scratch my head and ask myself “was that even worth it?” Luckily, he and I were able to notice our marital shift, but some couples need some healthy reminders on how to manage this challenging time while being married.
Below are a few tips to help you and your loved ones to get through these trying times.
Solution-Focused Strategies for Relational Distress:
Mindfulness
The pandemic has caused a great surge in anxious thoughts or at the moment I will call them “living in the future”. We have all experienced those anxious thoughts like, “what if…” or “if only”…. or even all or nothing thinking. Those cognitive distortions could even influence critical thoughts related to our partners! And then those negative thoughts can affect our behaviors and emotions. The next thing you know, we are in this continuous cycle we can’t escape out of! All in all, practicing mindfulness with our thoughts can be a huge benefit.
Flexibility
We are DYING for normalcy. Me included, especially with the holidays approaching. That need for normalcy is causing rigid boundaries or high expectations among ourselves so we need to lower them. Expecting our plans to be met or our spouses to accomplish all the tasks on the list is going to lead to disappointment. How can we be flexible with our spouses during the pandemic? Create small personal and relational goals.
Empathy
Criticism is an unhealthy way to express feelings of despair but doing during a pandemic / crisis situation it can only worsen things. It can be easy to point fingers at our partners, especially when we are forced with that quality time. Communicating moments of appreciation and empathy can make a huge difference. I myself will notice helpful gestures around the house, but won’t compliment or fill my spouse’s emotional bank in the moment, however, I will make it known when he makes a mistake. It takes a conscious effort. Providing a sense of compassion for your partner and yourself will be more effective.
Boundaries
Our routines and structure may be off from leaving the house to go to work or picking up the kids from school. Our sense of autonomy has lessened and so has our boundaries set. Surrounding each other all day can be intrusive, especially when we have our personal flows that we enjoy throughout the day.
Conclusion
Prior to the pandemic, I noticed that many of the couples I was seeing were thriving with balancing their schedules and expectations of one another. However, the pandemic has caused relational distress, forcing most of us to adjust and adapt to a new routine. This new routine is one that most of us have found little satisfaction. We have the power to improve our situation though. It starts with creating small, attainable goals together, asking for what we need (our partners can’t mind-read) and lastly, being compassionate!
If you and your loved ones are having difficulty adjusting or adapting to all of the changes the pandemic has brought forth, please contact us today. We can help get your relationship back on track!
Written by: Coral Pidone, MA, LPC
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