I’ve been noticing the need to set boundaries in my professional and personal life lately. Does anyone else feel that way? I have been interested in writing a boundary blog for quite some time so this may be the perfect time! Boundary-setting is important for relationships to sustain healthy and appropriate limits, buy why are they so significant for ourselves?
First off, relationships are a crucial part in life to obtain support and connection with family, colleagues, friends, but most importantly ourselves. If we allow rigid or poor boundaries, it may cause a great amount of disarray in our physical or emotional world. Second, boundaries incorporate a guideline on what is acceptable and appropriate. And lastly, there is nothing more meaningful than having a great support system. Healthy relationships can be characterized as balance with respect, understanding, security and encouragement.
How do I create boundaries?
- Classifying what you need and what your limits are is the first step in setting boundaries. For example, if a family member or friend calls too often, then ask them to only call once a week. Set a day and time. If that person happens to call outside the boundary then do not answer.
- Give yourself permission to be responsible for your well-being!
- Be direct and firm. Practice self-validation by expressing what is acceptable.
How do I know if I need to set boundaries?
Do you have relationships or friendships where you continue to feel bad about yourself? If you do, then maybe it is time a boundary is set. No one should be in a relationship where they question their worth. It’s best to decrease any interaction if you find that person (or people) is disrupting your emotional, physical or mental health.
Who knows and understands you better than you! Take a minute to look in the mirror to reflect on your values and the respect that you deserve. If you have found yourself feeling guilty for saying no, giving as much as you can without receiving or even find yourself feeling ashamed of yourself, then it is time to set a clear boundary.
Unhealthy relationship traits:
- Feeling pressured
- Lack of fairness
- Lack of privacy
- Feel put down for your personal beliefs or opinions
- Feel worried about what that person may think
- Have to justify decisions
What if that person resists your boundary?
We obviously cannot control how others react or feel, but what we can control is how we communicate. The one thing you are able to control in boundary-setting is ultimately setting the boundary. Communicating in an effective and clear way will make a world of a difference. If that person gets upset for the boundaries, this may be a clear warning of that person attempting to gain control.
Are you interested in creating boundaries? Are you having difficulty placing the boundaries? Contact Barnum Counseling to schedule an appointment today! 630-797-9192
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Written by: Coral Pidone, MA, LPC
Image by William Pomares from Pixabay