Overcoming Self-Doubt

Self-doubt is a powerful emotion that can come in many forms. It can appear as a negative thought in which we tell ourselves we just can’t do something (whatever it is). It can look like us questioning a decision we just made. Sometimes it even partners with fear (usually fear of failure).  

 It can also make us question our worth as a human being. Self-doubt can look like us telling ourselves that we just aren’t enough: good-looking enough, smart enough, thin enough, brave enough, strong enough, compared to [insert person here]. It has the ability to mess with our mind and our beliefs so incredulously, that we question everything that we think we know. 

Have you felt this at some point in your life? I know I have.  It was scary as heck for me to open up my own business. I had doubts and a fear of failing.  But using the strategies below, I was able to push that fear aside and make the leap!

I imagine most of us have experienced this emotion, at one junction or another.  In working in the field of counseling, I tend to run into many people where self-doubt is commonplace in their mind and in their vocabulary… it is achingly present, familiar and painful; especially when it stays awhile.  

Don’t get me wrong – some reflection and self-analysis is healthy.  Being intentional with our time and planning for the future is also productive.  However, spending too much time thinking about the past or the future, or second-guessing every decision we make IS destructive.  This pattern of thinking can be paralyzing and keeping us stuck.  Self-doubt can block us from our goals… from achieving success…from reaching our full potential.  It can often get in the way of happiness and love and connection. 

This is yucky…so how do we stop this from interfering in or halting our lives?!!

Here are five strategies that can help

• Stop the “What Ifs.” Here is a big one: “what if I fail?” STOP IT.  We have to remove those “what ifs” from our vocabulary because they aren’t serving us well. Over ninety-eight percent of the “what ifs” that we create in our head never come true. They are just scenarios; they are not facts.  
• Change self-talk from negative to positive. We often are our biggest critics. This can lead us to say some pretty hurtful things to ourselves.  Here’s a good rule of thumb: if we wouldn’t say it to a best friend, we shouldn’t say it to ourselves!  Be kind. Show self-compassion.
• Make a decision. Self-doubt can make it difficult to make confident choices. If we are stuck between two choices, we can start by weighing the pros and cons of each choice. Then, we can go with the decision that has the most backing, is healthy and effective.  
• No regrets. Once we make that decision, it’s best we stick to it.  If we don’t like the result, let’s work toward acceptance and find support. Second-guessing the choice takes extra energy and thought, and can’t erase what has already been done.  Unless we did something hurtful or unproductive, the feeling of regret is unwarranted here.
• Spend time with people that lift you up. Sometimes we have to tend garden folks.  That means it’s important for us to nurture and nourish those relationships that provide us support and encouragement, while weeding out relationships that are destructive or unhelpful.

Overcoming self-doubt is a process.  It takes time, energy and extra effort to think differently and change our core beliefs that aren’t serving us well.  But the end result is incredibly worth it! 

If you or someone you know struggles with making decisions, talks negatively about themselves, or is stuck because of fear, counseling can help! Call 630-797-9192 today!